Son and Wife

                           JUNE 4,1996

DEAR CHILDREN, (written to a son and his wife)

I AM SENDING A COPY OF THIS LETTER TO EACH OF YOU SO THAT YOU EACH WILL KNOW WHAT I SAID IN THIS LETTER OF LOVE. IF I DIDN'T LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH I WOULD LET THIS GO, BUT I CAN'T SEE THE PAIN OF ALL FOUR OF YOU WITHOUT TALKING TO YOU BOTH. LOVE SUFFERS LONG AND IS KIND WHETHER THAT LOVE COMES FROM A MATE, PARENT OUR GOD. THIS LETTER IS DIFFERENT AS YOU WILL SEE AS WE GO ALONG. I'M GOING TO EXPOSE AREAS OF YOUR LIVES THAT EVEN YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF AS CAUSES OF CONFLICT. THERE HAVE TO BE SERIOUS QUESTIONS THAT EACH OF YOU ARE ASKING YOURSELVES RIGHT NOW THAT DEMAND ANSWERS AND BECAUSE OF THE VERY NATURE OF THE QUESTIONS ANSWERS ARE CONFUSED OR NON-EXISTENT.

I KNOW THAT YOU, SON, ARE LOST WITHOUT YOUR FAMILY. DAUGHTER, I KNOW THAT YOU FEEL A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF RELIEF, ALBEIT TEMPORARY, TO NOT HAVE A MAN AROUND THE HOUSE TO COMPLICATE YOUR LIFE. HOW DO I KNOW THESE THINGS? I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS!! AGREED TWO MARRIAGES, BUT NEVER THE LESS, MARRIED. I HOPE I'VE LEARNED SOMETHING IN THE TIME. MOST OF WHAT I LEARNED HAS BEEN IN THE PAST 30 YEARS, PARTIALLY BECAUSE OF BEING OLDER WHEN NITA AND I MARRIED AND PARTIALLY BECAUSE I MARRIED NITA OUT OF LOVE RATHER THAN LUST OR YOUTHFUL UNABATED PASSION.

I'M GOING TO START WITH A SHOCKING STATEMENT THAT YOU MAY DISAGREE WITH AT FIRST BUT PLEASE, FOR YOUR OWN PERAL PEACE AND FULFILLMENT READ THIS ENTIRE LETTER.

A DIFFERENT MATE WILL NOT SOLVE ANYTHING!!!

YOU'LL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW, JUST WITH SOMEONE ELSE. SOMEONE ELSE TO BLAME, OR MAYBE STILL BLAMING YOURSELF BUT FOR THE SAME REAS. BUT DON'T DESPAIR, THERE IS HOPE, AND THERE IS HELP!

I BELIEVE ALL MARRIAGE PROBLEMS HAVE A ROOT CAUSE OF PEOPLE EXPECTING SOMETHING FROM THEIR MATE THAT THE MATE CAN NOT GIVE, ONLY GOD CAN. SOOO, LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING. GOD, NOT MAN, INSTITUTED MARRIAGE. HE ALONE HAS THE SUCCESS PLAN. NO COUNSELLOR CAN SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS UNLESS THEY START WITH THIS TRUTH. WHEN MAN DEVIATES FROM GOD'S PLAN, THE MARRIAGE FAILS, PERIOD! IT MAY END IN DIVORCE OR A LIVING HELL, BUT IT WILL, YOU WILL FAIL. YOU CAN'T HELP BUT FAIL! BUT, IF YOU WILL FOLLOW GOD'S FORMULA, YOU WILL SUCCESS! AND YOU WILL FIND A JOY SO GREAT THAT YOU CAN'T DESCRIBE IT IN WORDS. HOW COULD I WRITE SOME OF THE THINGS I DO FROM MY HEART WITHOUT THIS GOD KIND OF LOVE? HOW COULD MOM (NITA) WRITE AND SPEAK THE THINGS SHE DOES WITHOUT THE SAME SOURCE OF LOVE AND STRENGTH? THE TRUTH IS, WE COULDN'T.

JUST FOLLOW ALONG AS I SHOW YOU WHAT GOD HAS SHOWN US, YES OVER THE YEARS, BUT ALSO ESPECIALLY OVER THESE PAST HEART BREAKING MONTHS. WHAT YOU WILL SEE IS THIS IS GOD'S WAY NOT A MAN THOUGHT UP AGENDA. THE GOD WHO CREATED ALL THAT WE SEE FROM THE BIGGEST STAR AND PLANETS TO THE SMALLEST INSECT AND EVEN THE ATOM, WHO ALSO CREATED EACH OF YOU WHILE STILL IN YOUR MOTHERS WOMB, ALSO CHOSE YOU, SON, FOR DAUGHTER TO LOVE, AND YOU, DAUGHTER, FOR SON TO LOVE. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU EVER DID OR WILL EVER DO AND STILL LOVES YOU. HE KNEW YOU TWO WOULD HAVE THIS TIME OF DISTRESS, AND MADE PROVISIONS FOR YOUR GROWTH AND RECONCILIATION. YOU DIDN'T SURPRISE GOD WITH WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS YOUR DECISION. HE KNEW IT AND PLANNED FOR IT. YOUR GOAL RIGHT NOW NEEDS TO BE TO SEEK GOD BOTH ALONE AND WITH EACH OTHER TO ASK HIM WHAT YOU SHOULD DO NEXT TO BE IN HIS PERFECT WILL. NOW FOR MY OBSERVATIONS AS A LOVING PARENT WHO CONSIDERS BOTH OF YOU TO BE MY/OUR CHILDREN.

(1) THE FIRST DUTY OF EVERY HUMAN BEING IS TO ACCEPT GOD'S GIFT OF SALVATION, JESUS CHRIST. YOU NEED TO BE IN RIGHT STANDING WITH GOD FOR HIM TO HAVE THE RIGHT AND RESPONSIBILITY TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS. WHEN WE ACCEPT JESUS, WE BECOME A MEMBER OF GOD'S FAMILY AND JUST AS YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES TO YOUR CHILDREN, GOD OBLIGATES HIMSELF TO BE RESPONSIBLE TO YOU. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT CHURCH MEMBERSHIP, I'M TALKING ABOUT A PERAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS. TAKE A FEW MINUTES AND READ THE ENCLOSED "HOW TO BECOME A CHRISTIAN". YOU MAY BE AS SURPRISED AND INFORMED AS I WAS, AND IT IS A VERY GOOD TOOL TO USE WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU WHY YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS. NOW DON'T GET YOUR "HACKLES" UP, I'M NOT SAYING EITHER OF YOU AREN'T BORN AGAIN, I AM ONLY SAYING YOU NEED TO ACT LIKE IT. AND RIGHT NOW YOU NEED TO DO WHAT MOTHER AND I DID WHEN I WAS 36 AND MOM WAS 34. SUBMIT TO THE LORDSHIP OF JESUS CHRIST IN YOUR LIVES. THIS ISN'T RELIGION, IT'S A RELATIONSHIP. IF JESUS ISN'T FIRST IN EACH OF YOUR LIVE'S AND IN YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU WILL FAIL. NO HUMAN CAN GIVE YOU WHAT ONLY JESUS CAN. YOU BOTH NEED TO FIRST ASK HIM FOR FORGIVENESS AND THEN ASK HIM TO TAKE THE THRONE OF YOUR LIFE AND LET HIM RUN THINGS FOR YOU. HE IS A BETTER BOSS THAN YOU ARE.

(2) DAUGHTER, I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU FEEL YOU MUST PLEASE EVERYONE ALL THE TIME, BUT YOU DON'T. IN FACT, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE SO DON'T TRY. WHEN YOU DO THAT YOU BECOME EXHAUSTED AND FRUSTRATED AND TAKE OUT YOU FRUSTRATION ON YOUR FAMILY, MOST OFTEN YOUR HUSBAND. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY YOU ARE IRRITATED WITH HIM AND HE'S HURT AND FRUSTRATED, --NEED I GO ON? JUST BE YOURSELF. THERE IS ENOUGH NICE IN YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR FAMILY IF YOU WOULDN'T TRY SO HARD. SON FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU, NOT WITH WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU SHOULD BE IN ORDER FOR HIM TO LOVE YOU. YOU ARE A VERY LOVABLE PER. ONE EASY TO LOVE. ACCEPTING LOVE IS HARDER THAN LOVING BECAUSE WE HAVE TO ADMIT THAT WE ARE WORTHY OF SOMEONE'S LOVE. THE FACT IS NONE OF US ARE WORTHY OF RECEIVING LOVE FROM ANYONE INCLUDING GOD. THAT'S WHAT MAKES LOVE SO SPECIAL, IT IS FREELY GIVEN, UNMERITED, JUST ACCEPT IT.

(3) SON, YOU HAVE HAD A LOW OPINION OF YOURSELF FOR A LONG TIME. I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT BECAUSE I'M YOUR FATHER, PLEASE FORGIVE MY FAILING. HOWEVER, YOU SHOULDN'T. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL LOVING CONSIDERATE PER WHO HAS THE LOVE OF MOM AND ME UNCONDITIONALLY. AND IN SPITE OF ME IT'S TIME YOU STAND UP AND FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY NOT FORFEIT THEM. GOD WILL HOLD YOU, NOT YOUR WIFE OR CHILDREN BUT YOU, RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FAMILY. DON'T FOR ONE MOMENT BELIEVE THE LIE OF THE FEMININE MOVEMENT. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING A MALE CHAUVINIST IT HAS TO DO WITH DOING THINGS GOD'S WAY. GOD MADE WOMAN TO BE A HELPER, NOT FOR MAN TO KEEP HER UNDER HIS FOOT, BUT GOD SAID ADAM SINNED, NOT EVE. ADAM HAD A RESPONSIBILITY TO PROTECT HIS WIFE FROM OUTSIDE ATTACKS AND THAT MEANS YOU.

(4) AFTER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST COMES YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH OTHER. YOUR CHILDREN DO NOT COME BEFORE YOUR SPOUSE!!!!!!!!! THE CHILDREN LEAVE ONE DAY, YOUR SPOUSE STAYS. GOD MADE IT TO WORK THAT WAY.

(5) YOU CAN NOT BE GOOD PARENTS UNTIL YOU BECOME GOOD SPOUSES.

TO BE A GOOD SPOUSE MEANS TO BE OPEN AND HONEST IN ALL THINGS. IF YOUR SPOUSE SAYS OR DOES SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T LIKE, STOP AND TALK ABOUT IT, DON'T LET IT FESTER, BUT DO IT PRIVATELY. COME TO A CONSENSUS AND STAND UNITED AGAINST THE WORLD AND TO YOUR CHILDREN. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE GIVE AND TAKE. ONE PER CAN'T DO ALL THE GIVING. TALK TO AND WITH EACH OTHER. GET TO REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL THAT YOU KNOW WHAT THE OTHER ONE IS GOING TO DO OR IS THINKING. NEVER SHOUT AT EACH OTHER BECAUSE YOU WILL SAY THINGS THAT YOU DON'T MEAN AND ONCE SAID CAN NEVER BE RETRACTED. ALWAYS THINK OF THE OTHERS NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN.

(6) NOW DON'T GET MAD. A WISE PER LISTENS TO INSTRUCTION AND HEEDS IT! NEITHER OF YOU UNDERSTAND HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN. YOU AREN'T RAISING THEM, THEY ARE RUINING YOU! THEY ARE CONFUSED AND FRUSTRATED BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE PARENTS, THEY HAVE PACIFIERS. GOD REQUIRES OF YOU THAT YOU CORRECT THEM NOT CODDLE THEM. HE REQUIRES THAT YOU MAKE (FORCE IF NECESSARY) THEM OBEY YOU, NOT YOU OBEY THEM. DON'T EVER ASK A CHILD WHAT THEY WANT TO MAKE THEM QUIET DOWN. MAKE THEM QUIET DOWN THEN SEE WHAT THEY NEED AND ONLY OCCASIONAL WHAT THEY WANT. RIGHT NOW BOTH OF YOU ARE DESTROYING YOUR CHILDREN AND I KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU INTEND ON DOING, BUT REGARDLESS OF YOUR INTENTION, YOU ARE. YOU MUST BE FIRM IN TELLING THEM WHAT THEY EXPECT THEM TO DO, AND THEN DON'T BUDGE. INSIST THAT THEY OBEY. A SWAT ON THE BEHIND, A SLAP ON THE HAND A MISSED MEAL A PERIOD OF SITTING IN THE CORNER OR SITTING IN HIS OR HER ROOM HAVING A TEMPER TANTRUM WILL NOT HARM THE CHILD. WHAT DOES HARM THEM IS FOR PARENTS TO TRY TO MEET THEIR EVERY WHIM WITHOUT REGARD TO THE PARENTS. YOU ARE HURTING THEM A THOUSAND TIMES MORE BY NOT GIVING THEM GUIDELINES AND DIRECTIONS TO LIVE BY THAN YOU COULD EVER BY SPANKING THEM. THEY ARE NOT PLEASANT CHILDREN TO HAVE AROUND, YET THEY COULD BE, IF AND WHEN YOU TWO DECIDE TO DO A PROPER PARENTING JOB.

  OK! I SEE YOUR BLOOD BOILING! AND PERHAPS MINE WOULD BE TOO.

HOWEVER WHAT I'M SAYING ISN'T ONLY RIGHT IN CIVILIZED SOCIETY, BUT IT IS ALSO GOD'S WAY AND HIS INSTRUCTIONS TO PARENTS. READ PROVERBS 22:15 & 23:13-14. THIS ISN'T ABUSE, BUT CORRECTION. GOOD NEWS!! IT'S NOT TOO LATE. WARNING!! IF YOU DON'T CORRECT THEM NOW, SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LOVE THEM WILL LATER IN LIFE. YOUR TEARS WILL BE MANY AND OFTEN FOR THE PAIN THAT YOU CAUSE YOURSELVES AND YOUR CHILDREN BECAUSE YOU DISOBEYED GOD'S INSTRUCTIONS FOR RAISING CHILDREN.

SON YOU WERE CERTAINLY RAISED WITH RULES YOU HAD TO FOLLOW AS WERE ALL OUR CHILDREN AND I BELIEVE YOU ALL TURNED OUT PRETTY GOOD. NO, VERY GOOD!

DAUGHTER, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WERE RAISED BUT REGARDLESS YOU BOTH KNOW IN YOU HEARTS, I'M RIGHT.

              NOW ABOUT YOUR ATTEMPT AT MARRIAGE!

DAUGHTER, YOU CAN NOT BE THE HEAD OF THE HOME OR FAMILY! READ EPHESIANS 5:23-24. I DIDN'T SAY THAT, GOD DID!! NEITHER YOU NOR SON ARE SMARTER THAN GOD, AND NEITHER AM I.

SON, YOU ARE TO GIVE HONOR, NOT OBEDIENCE, TO YOUR WIFE OR GOD WILL NOT ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS! READ I PETER 3:1-7

READ I CORINTHIANS 11:4-12. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COVERING OF YOUR HEAD, THAT WAS AN EASTERN CUSTOM, BUT RATHER LOOK AT THE PRINCIPLE WHICH IS THAT A WOMAN IS NOT TO LORD IT OVER HER HUSBAND OR THE ANGELS CANNOT MINISTER TO EITHER OF YOU OR YOUR CHILDREN.

NOW ANOTHER PRINCIPLE.

(1) THE #1 NEED OF A WOMAN IS , SECURITY. SHE LOOKS TO HER HUSBAND FOR THAT SECURITY.

(2) THE #1 NEED OF EVERY MAN IS RESPECT. WITHOUT RESPECT A MAN LOSES HIS IDENTITY. HE CAN NOT GIVE THE WIFE WHAT SHE NEEDS, SECURITY, UNLESS SHE GIVES HIM RESPECT, AND VISA-VERSA.

I WAS 36 YEARS OLD AND MOTHER WAS 35, WHEN WE FINALLY SURRENDERED OUR LIVES TO THE LORDSHIP OF JESUS. WE'VE HAD STRUGGLES BUT WE HAVE LEARNED TO FIRST TRUST AND EXPECT FULFILLMENT IN HIM, THEN ENJOY EACH OTHER. THIS CURRENT EXPERIENCE HAS SHOWN BOTH OF US THAT OUR SOURCE MUST BE GOD THROUGH JESUS CHRIST THEN AND ONLY THEN OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER CAN AND WILL BE PERFECTED. YOU BOTH HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO EACH OTHER AND TO YOURSELVES AND TO YOUR CHILDREN BUT MOSTLY TO GOD TO SOLVE, NOT RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS. DON'T LET THE DEVIL STEAL YOUR LIVES AND YOUR JOY!

LASTLY, THIS IS A PHONE # OF A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SPEAKER. I'VE SEEN HIS TV PROGRAM AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND HIM AND HIS MINISTRY. 1-800-532-HOPE.

I AM PRAYING, AS IS MOM, FOR BOTH OF YOU. WE LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH AND HURT FOR YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW. SON, STAND UP, BE A MAN FOR YOUR FAMILY. BE STRONG. FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY, NOT WITH YOUR FAMILY. DAUGHTER, GOD SAYS YOU ARE TO BE SON'S HELPER AND SUBMIT TO HIM. NOT AS A SLAVE OR SUBSERVIENT BUT IN OBEDIENCE TO GOD'S COMMAND, THEN YOU CAN PRAY, "GOD I'M BEING OBEDIENT AND CAN NOW ASK YOU TO MEET ALL MY NEEDS, EVERYONE OF THEM."  YOU ARE NOT TO BOSS EACH OTHER, BUT TO LOVE EACH OTHER. GOD REQUIRES IT. AND PRAY TOGETHER!  

 

OK, NOW WHAT? STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING, BOW YOUR HEAD AND ASK GOD TO FORGIVE YOU IN JESUS NAME THEN CALL EACH OTHER AND GET TOGETHER QUIETLY, WITHOUT THE CHILDREN, AND PRAY TOGETHER, THEN TALK.

A LAST NOTE, CALL MOM IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO SOME ONE WHO LOVES YOU BOTH, SHE WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP WITHOUT BLAMING ANYONE. DON'T EXCEPT FAILURE, FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT. NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER GIVE UP!

WE ARE PRAYING FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

 

 

LOVE, DAD

 

 

Copyright © 2017 John H Dumke